End of Summer

I can't believe it's September! I have no idea where this summer went. Let alone this year! Dominic will be TWO at the end of September. Wild. Anyway, we are starting to get back into our fall routine in the Dunlap house. Mitchell starts school on Wednesday and then soccer on Thursday. I can't believe how old he is getting, or that I'm in the "back to school" phase of my life. We've got a busy calendar these next few months between school, PT, OT, Early On, play groups, Bible study, and soccer. Dominic's Early On OT really wanted him to do this intensive speech playgroup, but I honestly didn't feel like we had the time or energy for it this fall. Plus, it's a playgroup. I've talked with all three of his therapists and none of them feel he should be evaluated for speech therapy at this point, so why does he need an intense speech "playgroup"? We see friends all the time and he is already attending a "playgroup" at Campus Early Childhood once a week! Sometimes I think he just needs to be a kid and play. He has been shuffled around between appointments most of his life. He is FINALLY at a point where he is healthy, thriving, and happy. I hate to add even more appointment to his schedule when it's not really necessary. So, even though I am the queen of "feeling guilty for not doing enough," I said no. And I'm happy about it. Dominic will have all his appointments while Mitchell is at school, but I'm also really hoping for some quality one-on-one time with Dominic. The kid is hilarious and we really don't spend enough time just playing together.

End of summer backyard campout

He loves his new gait trainer

Zoo trip

Playdate at the park

All ready for soccer!

Goofing around 

Cheering for Mom at the Naperville Triathlon

Pizza and ice cream at National Night Out

So besides getting back into our fall routine, we will be celebrating a big birthday for Dominic at the end of this month. We also have our one year follow-up appointments scheduled with. Dr. Chugani and Dr. Sood; as well as an MRI. I'm actually really excited to see what they have to say. We are seeing Dr. Arndt here in Grand Rapids on Tuesday as well. I'm hoping we will reduce or eliminate the Keppra altogether, but we'll see. I guess there's no rush. I got an email from a mother in the Hemispherectomy support group who's son had surgery 10 years ago and recently started having seizures again. It's amazing that Dominic has been seizure-free for a year, but I know we're not out of the woods yet. I'm not against keeping him on an anti-epileptic if it will reduce his chances of returning seizures. We'll see what all the docs have to say in the upcoming months.

Dominic has made some great progress this past month. No, he's not walking yet. But he has gained a lot of confidence and walks all around the coffee table; goes between the couch and the table and back. He has stood for a few seconds on his own before he realized he wasn't holding on. It won't be long before he walks! He just doesn't have great balance being Hemiplegic. But he is motivated and anxious to chase after his big brother :o)

He has made some gains in his speech as well. No, he STILL won't say Mama, but he seems to add a new word or two each day. His most recent new words are "cookie", "keys", and "sock". He even attempted to say "bye bye, Sarah" to his OT today. But nooooooo, won't say "mama"! I'm only the one who grew you, birthed you, cared for you, held you, and nursed you! I'm not bitter, don't worry. I know the day he says it for real though, it will melt my heart.

So, in addition to our busy fall schedule, we decided to spice it up with a little constraint therapy. Sarah and I discussed it today and she's planning on casting Dominic at the end of September. She feels he has gained enough mobility that he's ready for it. So, she will cast his left hand/arm (his good one) for 3-8 weeks! She said they have had a lot of success with other kiddos. I'm more worried about the fact that he won't be able to suck his thumb. I'm thinking it's going to be a rough several weeks. But, if it means he'll gain a lot of fine motor skills in his right hand, I'm all for it. He has just been such a stinker at therapy lately because he knows he can do everything with his left hand, so why should he bother with the right? Sarah assured me she would warn me the day before so I could have a few glasses of wine to prepare myself for the hell that will ensue. I'm really hoping and praying that because Dominic has such a great demeanor that he will get over it in a couple days. But we'll see, he is almost two after all!

We head to Naperville this weekend for a R&R and a Jurgensen family reunion! I'm so excited to see family I haven't seen since last year and relax by the pool. Our last farewell to summer!

One Year

Wow, I can't believe it. It's been one year since Dominic's surgery. Mike, the boys and I went out to dinner tonight to celebrate Dominic and being seizure-free for one year. Mike and I were talking about what we were doing and feeling a year ago. And how crazy it is that he's been seizure-free for a year. The long, grueling, 8 months he was sick were the longest of our lives. It felt like 8 years, not 8 months.

It's amazing how much has changed the past year. Here are some, just to name a few:

1. Dominic is talking/babbling. He is now up to about 10 consistent words - da da, bye-bye, hi, nana (bananas), ba ba (bottle), dog, woof, moo (for cow), quack (for duck), uh-oh.

2. Dominic is "walking with assistance". I guess he's not cruising, because cruising really means he goes side to side around furniture. He walks forward holding on. But that's because he can't use both hands. So, in my book it's adapted cruising. But whatever, he's up and mobile!

3. Dominic feeds himself - he eats with his hands and we are just now starting to have him use a spoon. I say "starting" because he hasn't quite grasped it. He mostly just flicks yogurt off the spoon onto the floor because he knows it annoys me. But, we'll get there.

4. He is FINALLY starting to use a sippy cup. This has been a looooooonnng time coming. Like months and months. I still mostly force it on him, but just recently he's started picking it up and trying to drink out of it. I believe he can do it. I just don't think he wants to. Dominic is very stubborn and set in his ways. Just like his dad :o) He doesnt' like to be told what to do or how to do it. He does it on Dominic time in Dominic style. I'm okay with that. I think this will come in handy in the future...

5. Dominic and Mitchell play together. This is adorable to watch. Mitchell is usually very gentle and patient with Dominic, but lately Dominic has become the feisty one. He takes things from Mitchell and tries to take over things. So, it's fun to watch them interact and "play" together. Their favorite thing to do is both sit in Dominic's crib and throw everything out of it. Mom doesn't love this game, but they do. I can already tell how much Dominic loves and looks up to Mitchell. He laughs at almost everything he does and mimics him all the time. Considering one of  my biggest fears after Dominic's surgery was Mitchell's resentment, it's amazing to watch them. He harbors no ill-will and it's clear he really, truly loves his brother. What a blessing!

6. He is SO happy. I mean really happy. Everything is funny. Everyone gets a smile or laugh and he will be anyone's best friend. It's very rare he cries. If you throw a ball at his face, he will cry. If he cracks his head on the corner of the table he will cry. But other than that, really happy kid who rarely cries. I think this attribute really helped him get through the first 10 months of his life. He inspires me to be a happier person and you can't help but be happy when you're around him.

So, those are just a few. Obviously a lot of them were a long time coming. Dominic refused to even bear weight on his legs until last November. So, the fact that he's pulling up and moving around on his own is incredible. He's obviously delayed but almost everyone (all specialists included) believe he will catch up by school age and will be relatively normal. SERIOUSLY??? I never thought I would hear someone utter those words. I remember with such clarity when I was told that he will probably never feed himself, never walk, never talk, never do anything. Never be 'normal'. Well you know what? Look at him now! He is a true, living, walking miracle. My God is bigger than any illness, any seizure, any doubting doctor. My God is faithful. My God is a healer. My God is a miracle worker.

I have no idea why God chose to heal Dominic. No idea. I know that God can do anything He wants whenever He wants. But He didn't have to. He doesn't heal everyone. And I don't know what to say or how to respond to someone who's child has not been healed. My heart just hurts for them because I do know the pain of watching your child suffer. And I do know the pain of getting that heart-wrenching news that you're child will never be 'normal'. All those thoughts of what they could have been race through your head. And the grief of losing the child you always imagined and prayed for. And then trying to cope with what lies ahead. How your life will change. How your family will change. How people will change toward you. How your life will never be the same. Ever again.

I also know that prayer changes things. And I know that THOUSANDS of people were and continue to pray for my sweet boy. I don't think that's the only reason God healed him. I'm not sure I'll ever know until the day I stand before Him. But I'm pretty sure that's the first question I'll ask. All I can say is that there is not a single day that goes by that I am not in awe of what God has done. Not a single day has passed that I don't look at Dominic and say "Wow God. Look at what you have done". I know there is a greater reason that God healed him, other than to make our lives easier. This boy was born for a purpose and I cannot wait to see what that purpose is.

This isn't to say he'll still have challenges. I mean, the boy is peripherally blind in both eyes, so he may never drive and clearly will not be serving in the U.S. Air Force. He is also Hemiplegic so he doesn't have much strength in his right arm and his right hand is pretty much useless. You put something in his hand and try to get him to hold it and he quickly grabs it out with his left hand. He doesn't like his right hand and really doesn't want you to make him use it. Hopefully one day, when he understands the necessity of it, he will put more effort into using it. But we'll see. He's pretty stubborn. He will also always have a limp. He will wear an AFO (ankle foot orthotic) for many, many years. Most likely into adulthood. He will also probably have comprehension problems. Removing half your brain will do that to you :o) But all of these are minor compared to what could have been and what issues he could be facing. So I will take these any day and hope that when he is old enough to understand, he'll know why we made the decision we did. Even though it left him with obstacles, I hope he will agree with our decision and be as grateful as we are for the miracle he is.

In true Laura form, I put together a sappy video recapping the last year. I did it for me. And for Dominic. I want him to have something for him to look back on when he's older. But I'll share it on here with all of you too. Enjoy!


Cheers Dominic, to a year full of firsts, accomplishments and NO SEIZURES!!

We love you, admire you, and thank God every day for you!

Love,
Mom and Dad

Walk This Way

So, a lot has gone on over the past couple weeks. I spent a fantastic week in Naperville with the boys. We did all sorts of fun stuff - Cosley Zoo, swimming lessons, took the train to 2Toots Grill, Blackberry Farm, Build-A-Bear, saw great friends and family, and had a lot of pool time. It was sort of a "summer vacation" for me and the boys and I tried to pack in as much fun stuff in a week as possible. We wished Mike could have joined us, but someones gotta bring home the bacon! Here are a few pics from the trip!

Melt my heart! Two brother's lovin' on each other :o)

Pool time with Katie and the boys

Petting the goats at the zoo

Here comes lunch. Choo choo!

No one wanted to build a "bear", so we made "George" and "Moo Cow" instead :o)

Somone LOVES the merry-go-round!

Dinner with my darling, Liz. Sweet friend since we were 14!!

Riding the carousel at Blackberry Farm with Grammy!

Mitchell taking swimming lessons at the pool where I used to swim, coach and lifeguard

But the biggest news is that Dominic is CRUISING on his own! He has been pulling himself up constantly onto everything, which means he's getting into everything. He has almost fallen head first into the bathtub several times because that quick bugger gets in there so fast I can't take my eyes off him long enough to get dressed! He also seems to have a new fascination with playing in the toilet. Gross. But it was encouraging that he was motivated and wanted to explore. So, today I was working on the computer at the coffee table (now that Dominic is doing so well, I'm hoping to start picking up more work again from my old company) and as usual, he pulled up to standing and peeked his head over and said "hi, hi, hi" in his cute little voice. Then, I noticed his eyes zoned in on the bowl of faux pears adorning the other end of the coffee table. Then, he started taking steps. After about 3 or 4 steps, I jumped up to get the camera. Unlike most times, he actually kept going and I caught it on video. You'll see I'm trying to entice him to keep going with his ball.



I got so emotional and I'm not sure why. He has made so many gains over the past year and I'm always proud of him when he reaches a new milestone. But this time was different. Maybe because he's walking the way you're supposed to. He's always only rolled one way and army crawled in his own "half-using his arm and leg" way and everyone always says "aww, he's doing it Dominic's way." He's walked in his gait trainer and with a walker, but always needed assistance. But watching him today, he looked so "normal".  Yeah, you can tell he doesn't use his right arm and he's still wobbly, but it gave me so much hope to know he'll walk! And he figured it all out on his own! My heart just swelled with pride and all these emotions I had a year ago came rushing back - wondering if he'd ever sit on his own, if he'd walk, talk, feed himself etc. It just hit me how far he has come in LESS than a year post-surgery. Our God is sooooo good and today He really wanted to remind me of that. Ah, God is good all the time and all the time God is good!

TROUBLE!

Stand By Me

After a couple days of "practicing" pulling up to standing, Dominic quickly caught on and officially does it himself - ALL THE TIME. In his crib, in front of the TV, in front of the toilet (while splashing in it), etc. As he masters of these small milestones, Dominic seems to gain more and more freedom. I can tell he loves the feeling of being able to move and go where he wants when he wants. He's actually even started taking a few "side steps" around the ottoman. A little early to call it cruising, but he's starting to get the hang of it. I'm sure it will be no time before he's cruising around the living room!










Last week Dominic got his first "official" haircut. Not sure if you can consider me botching an at-home buzz cut a real haircut, so I'm declaring this his first. Clearly the reason I haven't taken him before is because it costs $20 for a cute young girl to buzz him instead of me. But, whatever. He didn't scream and yell and roll around eating hair. So I suppose it was worth it. And he looks pretty dang cute!

Pre-haircut

I cannot believe it's July already! Not sure where the summer has gone, but between therapies, playgroups, trips to the beach, picnics, parks and visits with family and friends; we have had a busy month! We are heading to Naperville for a week on Friday to spend some quality time with Grammy and Grampa. We spend so many weekends traveling for quick trips here or there that it will be nice to spend several days there just hanging out. Mitchell is looking forward to swim lessons at good old Hobson West Pool where I grew up on swim team and eventually coached and life guarded. We'll probably hit up Brookfield zoo and a couple other places as well.

Yesterday some friends and I hosted a baby shower for one of my besties from college. Afterwards, the hubbs and babes joined us at the house for dinner/drinks/fireworks. It was so much fun and so surreal to look around and see how much we've multiplied since college! These are the girls I rushed my sorority with, stayed up late studying (or not) with, went to parties with, graduated with, planned weddings with and now run around after kiddos with. Times sure have changed :o) It was a fun and crazy night to say the least!

Love these girls!

There's a lot more of us now! And what would be more fitting than playing with fireworks!

Look at these mini-me's. It's the next generation - watch out!

Crazy!

Life has been crazy the past couple weeks. First, I sprained my ankle which thew a wrench in our daily routine. Mike had to take a day off of work because I literally could not move from the couch. It hurt so bad I was sure I had fractured something. Thank God is was just a sprain. Fortunately, with a lot of ice and Ibuprofen, I was up and around a few days later. It's much better now and I'm even back to the gym and running again, which is great. I was so upset when I thought I might have to skip the triathlon in August and the Warrior Dash in September.

Man down

Twinsies!

We've also had much to celebrate the past week or so. Mitchell had his last day of school and we have a whole bunch of fun day trips planned for this summer. So far we have already had a picnic at the airport to watch the planes take off, checked out Festival of the Arts, and had a visit from Mitchell's buddy Ben (and Mamma Katie and little bro Luke). Last weekend we traveled to Naperville and my parents watched the boys for the weekend while we stayed at a hotel and celebrated Mike's 30th birthday. It was fantastic! We lounged by the pool, soaked up some sun and had a fabulous dinner at Morton's Steakhouse. To top it off, we slept in until 10:45! I can't remember the last time (or any time) I've ever slept in that late. This year it was for Mike's birthday, but we do try to get away for at least one night once a year. We realize how badly we need it as a couple to just reconnect and relax together. We always say after a weekend away, "gosh, I really like you". Sometimes in the craziness and chaos of life, we forget how much fun we have together and how much we really enjoy hanging out with each other. We also spent a good part of Saturday in downtown Chicago doing a pizza tour for one of my dear friend's birthday. That was a blast and fun to be in the city.

Festival of the Arts in GR

The Napp boys came for a couple days!

Personalized menu, nice touch Morton's!

Such a fun night!

Birthday boy

One crazy family

We spent Sunday recovering before we celebrated our 7 year anniversary on Monday with dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, Rose's on Reed's Lake. Mike's actual birthday was on Tuesday and he hates it when people make a big deal out of his birthday. So, for his 30th, I decided everyone needed to know! I snuck into his office on Monday night and filled his office with streamers, 200 balloons and birthday signs. Needless to say, everyone in the office knew it was his birthday. Mike woke up to breakfast in bed that Mitchell helped me make and we all went to On The Border for his birthday dinner. So much eating! Tomorrow we have the Summer Stroll for Epilepsy which, naturally, starts with a breakfast. Great, more food. Then we will walk the River walk in downtown Grand Rapids. We're all looking forward to this event and I am so proud to say that I exceeded my fundraising goal and raised almost $2,000. Thank you to everyone who donated, we really, really appreciate your support. The week of celebration will come to an end this Sunday for Father's Day. Mitchell, Dominic and I have a few surprises up our sleeves for Mike this year! Should be a fun day. Seriously, I haven't eaten this much in my entire life. I think we ate out 6 nights in a row, and that doesn't include tomorrow or Sunday! It's been a fun week and I guess it's worth the 5 pounds I gained :o)

Surprise!

Now that it's summer, Dominic's PT/OT schedule has changed from Tuesdays and Thursdays to back-to-back on Thursdays. Since Mitchell is out of school, we have a sitter that comes to hang out with Mitchell Thursday mornings. When things changed I sort of freaked out because I always took Mitchell to The Nanny on Demand when Dominic had therapy. But it's out of the way and doesn't even open until 9:00. So, we are SO happy we found our sitter. She is the best. She has also sat for us several times so that Mike and I could go out. It's such a blessing that we can leave the boys with someone and not worry about Dominic. A year ago there was no one I felt comfortable leaving Dominic with, other than our parents. But even that made me nervous because he was having so many seizures. I am loving this new sense of freedom!!!

This week in OT Dominic got measured and fitted for a custom glove that will help keep his right hand open. He doesn't really have a problem with a clenched fist, but when he crawls, he tends to keep his hand bent under and pushes off the top of his hand/wrist instead of his palm. This glove is totally custom and required a lot of measurements. It's made of Lycra, so it will work like his SPIO vest, providing input to those muscles to help keep his hand open and int he correct position and alignment. They have been taping his hand and wrist with Kinesio tape, which works great, but because his hand gets sweaty, the tape comes off after a couple days. This is more of a permanent solution. It will be several weeks before we receive the final product, but I think it will be awesome once he gets it.

Similar to what D's glove will look like

He was back on the Total Gym this week working on leg presses in PT. It amazes me how strong his right leg is and that he can do one-legged presses with it. I hope to see him walking in the next few months, but I know it requires more than just strength. He needs to be able to coordinate the weaker side of his body with the stronger side. And figure out how to compensate for that weaker side. I don't want to rush him, but man is he getting heavy! On a positive note, he is SO close to pulling up to standing on his own. He gets his leg under him and halfway stands but gets tired and sits back down. I wouldn't be surprised if it happens in the next week or two. Slowly but surely, he'll get there!

Walk This Way

We've had a fantastic couple weeks. We had a blast celebrating Mitchell's birthday and an awesome Memorial Day weekend in Naperville. Mitchell was king for the day getting breakfast in bed, tons of new toys and his first "big boy bike", which he likes to take it for a spin almost daily. We had a fun birthday dinner at Mickey D's and topped off the night with cake. This past weekend Mike and I attended a wedding of one of my friends on Saturday in Naperville and then we lounged by the pool and grilled out on Sunday with my family. The weather was great and it was so wonderful to see so many good friends, most of who I grew up with in church. We have since all moved away from Naperville and don't get to see each other much. It was a wonderful reunion and celebration.

Just an update on how the sippy cup is going....

Happy Birthday to our bud!

Trying out his new bike

Blessed to know these girls!

Swimming is one of his favorite things!

I can't believe summer is upon us. It is so great to see the sun still shining at 9:00pm. Mitchell's last day of preschool is tomorrow as well as his art show. This weekend we're home and Mike is hoping to enjoy some golf with his buddies while I want to tackle a little more yard work. Our weekends are already filling up pretty fast, but one in particular we are looking forward to is in a few weeks. Our family will be participating in the Epilepsy Foundation's Summer Stroll for Epilepsy on June 15th.  It should be a fun morning raising money for a great cause. We feel incredibly blessed to be in such a good place right now with Dominic. We know there are so many other families that struggle daily with debilitating seizures. We are constantly reminded what a miracle our little man is.  Knowing this makes us want to do even more to help find a cure for Epilepsy and for those that aren't as lucky as Dominic.

  

If you are interested in donating, you can follow this link! 

Any amount would be appreciated!

Dominic continues to dominate at PT and OT. He is getting much more confident walking. He's gotten to the point that he can walk just holding my two fingers. He's a little wobbly, but he's getting faster. He has graduated from the gait trainer to a walker at PT. He's just starting to get the hang of holding onto the walker to support himself. This week Robin put him on the Total Gym machine and had him do 40 leg presses! I was shocked. I initially thought she was crazy and there was no way he could do leg presses, especially on the right side. But he did and he was awesome. Didn't even fight her. Hopefully doing those will continue to strengthen his legs.

Rockin' it at PT with Robin

So Much to Celebrate

Ah, we are LOVING this gorgeous weather! We are all so happy summer is on it's way. We are enjoying the sunshine and longer days. Life is busy as usual around here. I had a wonderful Mother's Day that included breakfast in bed, gift card for a pedi, a nap in the sun, and dinner at a Japanese steakhouse. I am the luckiest girl I know to have these three boys in my life. While they can all be challenging in their own ways, they are the best, and they're mine :o)

This weekend we are celebrating FOUR years of Mitchell! We can't believe how time has flown. He is the funniest, goofiest, wildest boy I know. And I can't imagine my life without him.  He has really impressed me this past year with his patience and resilience after Dominic's surgery. It was a difficult year for him too, and I'm so amazed by him. I thought for sure he would harbor resentment and jealousy. But he hasn't. He truly loves his brother and as a Mama, it melts my heart to watch them interact. He is actually super protective of Dominic and often tells me "Mom, stop yelling at Dominic. He's sorry!" I remind Mitchell I'm not yelling, just telling him "no", but how funny is he? Such a sweet soul.

He was so excited to take in his vanilla cherry chip cupcakes to school for birthday treats today and he's pumped for McDonald's birthday dinner on Sunday :o) Oh, it's the little things in life, right?

Such a good big brother!

My goofball

Mother's Day dinner

Dominic is doing well, after a bout with hand-foot-mouth last week. He handles sick pretty well. I wasn't really sure what was wrong with him except that he spiked a 103 fever. Then the he started getting blisters all over his body. But I guess after all he's been through, this is nothing for him. He's feeling much better and is back to getting into everything. We call him "The Inchworm" because that's exactly what he looks like moving across the floor. And he moves fast! He's also curious. I was surprised to find him sitting in the hallway holding the carbon monoxide monitor. I have all the outlets covered but never thought I'd have to worry about him pulling the monitor out of the wall, especially one-handed! I've had many people - doctors, therapists and friends tell me that if he had full use of his right side, I'd be in big trouble. His PT told me today I'm still in big trouble, he's just taking longer to get there. She's right, he's a strong, stubborn little thing. But I'm sure these are qualities that will help him through life.

Workin' it at OT

Met Dad for lunch downtown. Love being able to eat outside again!

Dominic's most recent progress is pulling himself to his knees. He pulls up on everything - toy bins, coffee tables, ottomans, entertainment centers - you name it. This is where his curiosity comes in. He wants to see what's going on. At this point though, he get stuck because he's not really sure how to pull to stand with a weak arm and leg. So, we're working on it and he'll get there. He's taking amazing steps (pun intended) with his walking as well. He doesn't like to sit still or be held much, he wants to walk so badly, he's just got to build up his butt muscles more. But he's got the stepping down and you can tell he really likes to walk.

Believe it or not, my almost 20-month-old STILL refuses a sippy cup and is on the bottle. He's been attending a feeding class at the Campus Early Childhood Special Ed school with his Early On OT and a feeding specialist. Not only will Dominic not drink from a sippy, he also only eats about 10-15 foods. I'm not super concerned because he's by no means malnourished, but it's annoying. He can't be 3 years old and still drinking from a bottle. Plus, it's not that he can't, he just won't. He doesn't like me, or anyone else for that matter, trying to make him do something. The only way he'll eat his veggies is pureed from a spoon, because that's how he's always had it. He'll yogurt with anything in it because he loves yogurt. But put watermelon, strawberries, kiwi, grapes, corn, green beans - heck any fruit or veggie, on his tray and he just throws it over the side, looks at me and says "uh oh". And don't get me started on meat - no kind of meat. Not even hot dogs! What kid doesn't like hot dogs? Again, here is Dominic's stubbornness coming out. The feeding class breaks for summer but I'm assuming we'll need to restart in the fall. Until then, I am most grateful we got rid of the carpet in the dining room as most of his food ends up there. Much easier to clean than the carpet :o)

Here comes trouble!!

On a final note, someone posted this on Facebook yesterday and I just loved it. It makes me look at the c-shaped scar across his scalp a little differently now...

Never be ashamed of the scars that life has left you with. 

A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed, 

you endured the pain and God has healed you.